Addison's first birthday and our recent miscarriage have sent me wandering down memory lane. Our journey to get our precious Addison was anything but easy. It was, however, a time of learning and growing for me. God used that time of difficulty in my life to grow and stretch me and my faith in Him. During that time, after I hit a very low - low, I came to realize that my faith in Him was not constant. I had uber faith when I was getting my way (what I thought I wanted), but fell into the "why me" trap and blaming God when things were bad or not what I thought I wanted.
My faith had been tested to the limits - I didn't even want to talk to Him anymore because I felt like He wouldn't care anyway. It was then, during a day of wallowing in self pity that I felt God talking to me. He led me to a song that will forever be my favorite song, and I had not even heard it before this time, or if I had, I didn't remember it. I am not sure what the writer of these lyrics was referring to and whether or not it was meant to be about God or just a secular song about having faith in a man/woman. But to me, this songs lyrics just popped out to mean that God wanted me to have a little faith in Him - have faith in His plan for my life - have faith that he loves me even in my darkest hour. He wanted me to know that "he's been loving me for such a long long time expecting nothing in return, except for me to have a little faith" in Him!
We got our miracle baby Addison shortly after this lack of continual faith in Him was revealed to me. Now, during this time of difficulty with maintaining a pregnancy again, I am leaning on God and continuing to have faith in Him and His ultimate great plan rather than asking "why me" and wallowing in self pity.
The loss of our babies always saddens me, but I am so thankful for the growing and the lessons that I have learned about faith as a result of those losses.
Here are the lyrics to Have A Little Faith In Me as sung by Mandy Moore
It is and will always be a special song to me from God.
When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Let my love throw a spark
Have a little faith in me
And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try baby and
Have a little faith, faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me, oh and
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith, faith in me
When your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here baby, from a whisper start
To have a little faith in me
And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you, you will see
I will catch your, I will catch your fall just
Have a little faith, faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith, faith in me
I've been loving you for such a long, long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend
Cause for us there is no end
All you gotta do is have a little faith in me
I will hold you up, I will hold you up and
Your love gives me strength enough to
Have a little faith in me
Oh faith, darlin'
Have a little faith in me
Oh, faith
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