Mammogram preparation
On a visit to my ob/gyn last week I mentioned that I had found a lump in my left breast that I had not ever felt before.
The awesome Dr. Michelle Heintges checked it out and the good news is that it doesn't feel like a "bad" kind of lump.
Apparently lumps that are cancerous are not able to be "dragged around" and are more stuck to the spot they are found. However, just to be on the safe side she is sending me for a mammogram and an ultrasound in Plano tomorrow.
I wanted to be fully prepared for my procedures tomorrow - you know how I like to be a fully informed, totally with it patient. With that in mind - I have been doing a few exercises each day to make sure that I am fully prepared for my mammogram. I thought you may be interested in reading about them as well so that when your time comes, if it hasn't already - you will be able to prepare yourself as well as I have been able to. :)
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HOW TO PREPARE FOR A MAMMOGRAM--
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, and even if they have had them before, there is fear. But there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat in case the first time wasn't effective.
EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides, and repeat for the other breast.
EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookends together as hard as he/she can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year to do it again. You are now properly prepared!
________________
The awesome Dr. Michelle Heintges checked it out and the good news is that it doesn't feel like a "bad" kind of lump.
Apparently lumps that are cancerous are not able to be "dragged around" and are more stuck to the spot they are found. However, just to be on the safe side she is sending me for a mammogram and an ultrasound in Plano tomorrow.
I wanted to be fully prepared for my procedures tomorrow - you know how I like to be a fully informed, totally with it patient. With that in mind - I have been doing a few exercises each day to make sure that I am fully prepared for my mammogram. I thought you may be interested in reading about them as well so that when your time comes, if it hasn't already - you will be able to prepare yourself as well as I have been able to. :)
___________________________
HOW TO PREPARE FOR A MAMMOGRAM--
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, and even if they have had them before, there is fear. But there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test, and best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your home.
EXERCISE 1: Open your refrigerator door, and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat in case the first time wasn't effective.
EXERCISE 2: Visit your garage at 3 a.m. when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor sideways with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Switch sides, and repeat for the other breast.
EXERCISE 3: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Have the stranger press the bookends against either side of one of your breasts and smash the bookends together as hard as he/she can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year to do it again. You are now properly prepared!
________________
Lest I get sued or something - please be informed that the above preparation tips are a joke, only a joke, and nothing more.
Happy mammogram preparations!
Comments
Needed that laugh. So funny!
I'll call you after my meeting.
PS..We are going to go to the Neiman Marcus Christmas Parade, y'all want to join us?
NOW you tell me after I already did the exercises.
*giggle* nice post <3